Memoir- Rough Draft Part IV

   IV-





 I opened my eyes in complete shock.  The incident might not have even been as bad as I can recall but I can remember how shocked I was.  Slowly loosening my 10:00-2:00 grip on the wheel I realized that this was a first:  One of my prayers had been answered.
     At the time I wasn't a religious person.  I had assured myself it was a lucky coincidence. I hadn't gone to church in 5 years, why would God want to help me out?
     I made it to Macie's house in one piece.  Driving was supposed to be the easy part and I could barely do that.  Now I had to walk into a house mostly full of people that I had never met.  It didn't matter though we all shared one pain:  The loss of Chris.  I paid condolances to all of them making friends through tragedy seemed very ironic.
     I finally got home at 5:15 AM and did what I always do when I lay in bed:  think about what happened today, and what tomorrow and the next day could bring me.  I cried, I tossed, I turned, I even tried praying again, just to see if I'm on a roll.
     Seeing your first dead body is a life-changing experience.  That should have been my great-grandma or a distant aunt, but even though there had been deaths-my dad, my uncle, my great-grandma, I had always been shunned from postlife activities.  It shouldn't have been Peanut.  It shouldn't have been when I was surrounded by my close friends, and everyday-smalltown-acquantances. 
     My senses were weakening as I waited in line reality suddenly kicked in when I saw Peanut's relatives, I couldn't imagine the pain that they were going through.  With little sleep throughout the week everything from the crash until now seemed like a dream to me.  This had really happened because I was now next in line to see him. 
     I took a quick glance at him and immediately remembered the night I gave him a chance.  The night I threw out all the bull shit that dragged along with his name.  We sat around and talked all night because we couldn't find a party.  We played x-box and talked about everything until 5 in the morning.  He wasn't what the town thought of him, I realized how dumb people can really be.  I thought to myself, "This guy is a great guy, I don't care what people think he is my friend."
It was my turn.  I had a lump the size of a golfball in my throat to go along with my rapid heart beat...